Today I want to talk about what happened to me during the month of July.
It wasn’t a good month for me. My depression hit me full swing again, and I fell off the wagon, rolled down a hill, and off a cliff.
BUT! I am climbing back up the cliff now.
For a majority of the month, I stopped writing blog posts (so sorry about that!), stopped tracking my eating, stopped eating well in general, stopped doing yoga, stopped wearing my pedometer, and just stopped caring in general.
And in this particular case, it as brought on by a catalyst. Some money issues caused anxiety and stress, which was a precursor to my ol’ buddy, depression.
I’ve been dealing with depression most of my life. In the past, I’ve just distracted myself enough to not think about it, but that isn’t very healthy. Because it will come back up. You can only push your issues down enough until they become too heavy.
So I have been managing my depression by addressing the reasons WHY I’m depressed. My job made me depressed, so I quit. My weight makes me depressed, so I’m working on changing it.
I’ve tried antidepressants before in the past, but they actually made the depression worse for me. Besides, I’m not a HUGE fan of taking pills anyways. So instead of trying to live with depression and coping with it, I’m working on changing my life for the better.
I recognized about 10 days ago that I was falling back into hold habits. So I decided to give myself until the end of the month to allow myself to be depressed. But now it is the first of August and I’m back in it!
I’m writing up my blog posts for the week, doing a new month in my bullet journal, wearing my pedometer again, and back to eating healthy.
Will it be hard? You betcha! Will a part of me want to keep wallowing? Fo sho. But allowing myself to fall back into the old habits in which I am currently heading is telling the depression that it is winning. It has a hold on me. I refuse to believe that.
This last weekend, our bathroom was having some remodeling done, so we decided to head to the family lake house for some fun!
Of course, it doesn’t hurt that it has central air 😉
One new addition to the lake house are the two kayaks. It has been on my bucket list for ages to try kayaking and this was my chance!
Getting in and out of a kayak is ungraceful as it is. Add in me (the klutz) into the mix and it resulted in sand in uncomfortable places and friends laughing at me.
First of all, if you have never been on a kayak, you are missing out! Once you get over the awkward entrance, you and the kayak become one. It is a wonderful workout. It works your forearm, bicep, and shoulder muscles excellently. And if you go fast enough, it turns into a cardio workout too!
I have never, in my life, had upper body strength. In school when we had to do the pull up test, I failed miserably. I was lucky if I could do one.
Now, I’m changing that and a kayak is going on my wish list!
Besides the health benefits, it puts you right in the water. I can reach over the sides and put my hands in the water. Many times I would paddle out to the middle of the lake and just sit with my hands in the water. It felt wonderful!
The kayak is smaller than a row boat or a canoe, so it allowed me to travel to parts of the lake previously unexplored by me.
About an hour before we had to leave yesterday, I managed to sneak one last trip out onto the water and I explored this little nook. It was shallow, maybe five or six feet deep, about ten feet across, and thirty feet inland. As I entered the little bay, I saw a mama turtle and two babies sitting on a piece of wood. They quickly jumped ship when they saw me, but they kept popping their heads up to look at me from the shore line.
Sunset from shore.
Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures because kayaking is a very wet sport. The double sided paddle sends water down the handle every time it turns. So no camera means no pictures. 🙁
I did manage to get some photos of the sunset from shore.
Another downside is the wicked sunburn I ended up with. My sense of time on the water was seriously distorted so I would think I was out for about half an hour, when in reality I was out for two hours. The burn is the worst on my thighs, knees, and top half of my shins.
This actually looks better from last night- it was cherry red then!
I also have it on my face, shoulders, and arms. The life jacket protected my chest and neck well enough.
I started the month really well, weighing 250.2 pounds. Within that first week, I managed to get below 250, but I didn’t really stay there. I ended the month at 255. This was after going off the rails for most of the month.
My goals for the month of August are:
What do you do when you are depressed? What are your goals for August? Are you a positive person or do you have to work on it (like me)? I wanna know!
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