Today I’m going to talk about my worst vice- food.
This topic is very personal to me. Ever since I could remember, I was heavier than the other girls. I had fat rolls. I had to start wearing a bra when I was nine. Not a training bra. An A cup.
By the time I was in middle school, I was wearing size 14 jeans. Women’s 14, not juniors. My step mom decided to make me do Weight Watchers with her when I was 12.
When I was in high school, I managed to stay a 14 until my world came crashing down with my mother’s death.
When food no longer worked, I sought out other forms of distraction to fill my time and helped me avoid my feelings. That included filling every minute of my day from 5:00 am to 11 pm with activities: go to the gym, go to class, go to work, go to lessons, go to rehearsals, do homework, go to the gym again, fall into an exhausted sleep. Repeat.
An upside to my hectic schedule was that was how I met my future husband. After we met, he started helping me cope. But I didn’t learn fast enough. Instead of going to the gym twice a day, I went a couple of times a week. Add in the presents and sweets my love showered me in, and I gained some of the weight back.
I remember that day so well, and probably always will. About a year after I started dating my husband, I went to put on a corset I had previously had a two-inch gap between me and it. I then had a four-inch gap between the fasteners to close it in the front.
I turned back to my previous antidepressant- food.
If I were addicted to any other substance, then I think I would have been fine.
You can avoid all other drugs– booze, weed, heroin, cocaine, crack– but you can’t avoid food.
Anyone that is or has been addicted to food can tell you the same thing. It’s unavoidable. Even as I’m eating healthier, I will never get a 30 day chip for not eating food. Maybe for avoiding overeating.
It’s difficult to break the cycle, but not impossible. Get help for the underlying causes. Talk to someone. Grab a glass of water instead of eating at 1 am.
Are you addicted to food or eating? How do you cope with it? Let me know below.